Wednesday, August 24, 2016

One.More.Thing.

One.More.Thing.

Dear Rochester,
                I am a registered nurse born and raised in Rochester all too familiar with some of the challenges we face in this city. Even in my early 20s, I have grown up seeing that we live in one of the most impoverished and violent cities to date.  Lest we forget that despite the day-to-day violence from stabbing and homicide, domestic violence has an enormous impact on our community.
                Supposedly I am “safe” now as of recently.  I started nursing school living out of my car in a Walmart parking lot and I almost died in a blizzard from dehydration, starvation, and hypothermia. It was hard for me to get into a shelter because I didn’t have any kids, not to say that people didn’t suggest I get pregnant so it was easier for me to get food and shelter. Food stamps weren’t an option for me because I was a full time student, and I effortlessly thank the college for all their support to help me obtain food and housing. I called and called the local shelter for months until one night they called and said “I have great news! ...We can get you one night in the Cadillac Hotel” until I politely declined and said “Fuck you kindly, I would rather get raped in my own house this evening. Thank you”. This is our support. This is our safe haven.
                My advice to anyone in this scenario is that it is important to keep “off the grid” as much as possible, and yes, this includes many mental and physical sacrifices. Make sure you are aware your personal information is protected, that you keep a close circle of friends, and that you strive to live and work in a safe environment. In my case for example, I choose to only work on locked hospital units.
                I am currently disabled from injuries sustained related to domestic violence incidents and persistent rape. This is what can happen when a person tries to leave; it is very real and that was a risk I was willing to take for my own safety. Let me make is abundantly clear- I refuse to be a victim and re-victimized again and again in this system and in this cycle.
In the streets of this city
In the Hall of Justice who says we just are waiting on one.more.thing. to happen before we can grant you that order of protection. Until then you can’t break your lease.
Around my friends who feel bad for me because I’ve already had so much taken from me.
In front of people who laugh at me that don’t know I’m disabled and think I’m crazy when in reality I can’t hear what you said because I’m partially deaf now, thanks
And one more thing because one more thing. Another door slammed in the face of the oppressed .
It’s a laugh to the blood on my mattress.
A sneer to the fact that I can’t have sex without my hip collapsing out of place.
And this is the raw world we face.
One. More. Thing. It’s what it takes before something can be done about it.
Always.

One. More. Thing.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Red Ribbon and Black Lace

I woke up snuggled next to grace and anonymity this morning
A sleeping prince, my fellow of faith
The light kissing cedar
And a strange Fedora
And me, but it’s not the only one
Refracting prisms of affirmation
That beauty still exists
A penniless, earthbound … love
On the ground and way up high
Who poised pink poisons
And tossed them behind a frazzled couch
To spare me from the terror
That boils and boils to scald my eyes
That bends to break my bones
To burn a pair of severed wings
But I never thought that
This        …. Grace would come
Tattered ribbon would join a wretched lace
6 of black and 5 of red
To form a bond
That spits and smiles at hydrofluoric acid
And kicks it all to hell
So it can flow in harmony
Red Ribbon and Black Lace
What a tragic lesson
But what a beautiful life



Psychedelic Silence

You could look into my eyes
And there would be a story
That no one would read
At least I know that
It’s a psychedelic silence
A psychedelic science
People burn it in the fire
Every day
Watch the ink drip away
Like the oil
The story that everyone has
That black mess
That makes you who you are
The one I'd like to know
The one that fuels my every being
The one you'd like to know
But they throw it away
If they only knew
And the heat that burns inside me
That burns my heart
A paralytic pericardium
Vesicated ventricles
Amputated atriums
We are all silent

Time is telling
So compelling
As it passes by
Long to linger
Finger by finger
Walking horizons of the sky
A rose without a winner
A voice without a singer
Say my name in your disguise
Your eye of silver storms
The skies that keep me warm
They build fences I could walk on
And stub my toe on Jesus
And fly among the bees
Yes, dirt and bloody knees
Cuz I want to feel the ground
Where you used to be
Beast in beauty
Stone in sand
Horizons in the sky


The Murder of the Elephant

Please don’t feed the elephant in the room
It chews on bloody beer bottles and reminiscent thoughts
And spits them with a cunning smile
Breaking stitches on the soles of precious angels
And the locked-up nightmares in the den of the Lion
But the lion sleeps peacefully
He dreams upon a lengthy bed of lace
Next to Molly and Sister Mary
Oh, broken angels
But the ladies know
It’s time for them to say goodbye
It’s time for that fucking elephant to finally die
Molly and Mary walk hand in hand
With every ounce of strength that be
Twist and pull each ivory thorn
 With all their strength and might
And let their fury free
Into the weeping chest of the filthy elephant
Piercing like the purest swords
And the lovely ladies fade away to ash

And the lion dies in vertigo

Gerald

The script inside the shadow that follows me like raindrops
The blisters on my sole that rubs against my high tops
Whispers of the wind that guard from my surrender
The voice inside my head that saves my Sweet November

And though I cannot fathom another day alone
I feel as I’ve forgotten you’d never really gone
The miles may pass behind us like yellow strips of memory
But man I have to tell you, they’re much more than just a story
Like golden roads to Oz of pasts I can’t undo
That takes me by the lake; that guides me back to you

If more than pennies in a pocket were branded to my name
I’d glance at the horizon, and wish upon a train
That this shadow on my shoulder could see me once again

One day you’ll finally see the soft and shattered spine

 That binds us to the pages of your paperback with mine

Romantic Bullshit

Like flowers in a garden of a satin silhouette
Ninety-nine big red balloons tied on a blue Corvette
I sit here by the willow where xylem marked my years
I fight to break the firmament- this shallow atmosphere
A sonnet to my secrets that war has just begun
Sickened superegos – no more or less than one
Neurons paint the canvas of stormy nights, they do
Of sweet, tender deception – each dosage coated blue
Love, sweet love, avenge me as words of truth be true
None other can I fathom, but distant thoughts of you

None other can I fathom, but distant thoughts of you

The Elven Queen

The lilies of time
But forget me not
Don’t you know that the colors give me strength
As we cuddle in our cove of satin and innocence
Wilted roses buried
As we start our new beginning
Don’t cradle that scratchy sweater
Thread stitched to flesh
The sun will free us all
And love will free us all.
Knees laced with Earth
Begging to great entities when we question their existence
Pleading with every tear
Lace my feet with mercy
Forgive all those who have hurt me.
Take them to their father
Grace them with a daughter
To wash away the blood
And God, you know I would
But I am merely human
A peaceful butterfly
In your grand and brilliant sky
With a pair of severed wings
But am blessed with all these things

Because I’m still beautiful.